Solo Motherhood

This week we are talking about Solo Motherhood with Mel Johnson and Genevieve Roberts, both former guests of the podcast so check out the links to those conversations at the end.

Travelling as a solo mum.

We last spoke to Gen - in Barbados as she’d gone to review a single mum package. Mel travels

with Daisy and has been to Bali, Budapest, done lots around the UK to see friends but she needs it to feel like a holiday, so goes away with people or to see people.

We talked about their decision to become a single Mum. Mel talked about how it took her 3 years to get there, and she spoke about the decision to let go of the fairy tale and how she had to think about the time. She wanted to be in a romcom!

Now she has rewritten her story - she wants loads of people around her and has now bought a house near her family and has people coming and going g and how it doesn’t matter one isn’t a

partner Gen talked about how funny it is looking back on it, now it is your life - she explained how she had her fertility checked, having had a miscarriage about 18 months previously, and assumed it would all be OK. However, her results weren’t good so she quickly made the decision to have treatment and was pregnant within 6 months.

Choosing a sperm donor

Mel had two options from her clinic, so she found the process relatively easy. Mel coaches lots of women who have excel spreadsheets to choose their donors. Mel did speak to her

family about it but she had already chosen. Mel says she tells people all the time how you have to view choosing a sperm donor very differently to how you went about dating online

Gen has more choices and actually enlisted her Italian flatmate to get involved. She said it did feel a bit like a dating website, which made it feel weird. You aren’t looking for a Dad you are looking for

someone to pass on their genetics.

The decision to have 1 or two children

Gen talks about how she was incredibly fortunate to have both and how having a strong sibling relationship with her brother, she felt very open to the idea of siblings from the start.

Mel talks about how her fairytale was two children, yet the practicalities are a challenge as she would love more children. She does has an embryo still left and she can’t come to terms with

the fact that she isn’t going to have another child. She talks about how she doesn’t think she could manage with two and that realistically it would make her life really difficult and she is wary of

getting caught in the loop of ‘if she was in a relationship she would have tried for a second’. Gen explains how having the two kids has meant she hasn’t been able to sort out toys for two

years whereas Mel is a very tidy person and how it impacts her mental health if she doesn’t have a tidy house. But you can’t do everything - like she doesn’t bath Daisy every night

Tips

From the minute you start to consider solo mothers hood - start saving, even if it’s an inkling of an idea as it’s really expensive. The treatment and then you are the only provider so get your finances

in order. A lot of solo mums are strong women and you need to explore being a bit more vulnerable women and you need to feel OK to ask for help. Mel instinctively said no to an offer of help whilst

struggling with a heavy piece of furniture in the Ikea carpark! Previously Gen was a people pleaser and now she says she is more focused.

She talks about being more confident and also the importance of working out your priorities

Have support as back up and have a plan b.

Fears

Mel has coached more than 200 women and the themes she hears are that you will never meet anyone and you are signing up to be single

The impact on the child. The loneliness and whether you will emotionally be able to manage. The biggest thing is letting go of the... 

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